Naseeha/Advice

Asalamualaykum ukhti, do u have any advice for renewing tawakkul n good dhan n eemaan in allah? lately ive been goin thru a trial (not bein able to get married...), which i know is allah's decree n for my own good, but when it prolongs, sometimes shaitan comes to me and makes me sad n lonely, n makes me see a dead end, n hinders me from being happy n realizing that allah will bring ease after hardship n reward/be pleased with the patient ones... (cont'd)

(Cont’d) …n when all this happens, i easily fall into sinnin coz my iman goes really low… n i duno what to do ukhti… yes ppl say to distract myself with other good things n not think too much of marriage, but thats not helping, so i need some advice on how to renew my tawakkul in allah n hoping in Him n being happy n content… plz advise me ukhti. i dun want to have low iman n keep sinning n losing myself like this. n plz tell me sum words of hope about gettin married… barakallah feeky!

Wa `alykum asalaam wa rahmatullaah wa barakaatu. I pray you’re in the best of health & eeman and please forgive me for this very late response!

Let’s focus on renewing tawakal.

This is taken from Shaykhul Fawzaan’s book: The Fruits of Tawakkal:

[Tawwakul is] Entrusting one’s affairs to Him and relying on Him in all matters. Entrusting one’s affairs to Allaah entails not turning to someone else for support.

So reliance (Tawakkul) upon Allaah can be with regard to matters of Creed, such that the servant’s heart does not turn to anyone else besides Allaah. Therefore, he is always putting his reliance in Allaah, entrusting all of his affairs to Him.

The book goes on further to state,

The pagans did not fall into polytheism and disbelief except due to the fact that they put their reliance in other than Allaah, entrusted their affairs to other than Him, and believed in their hearts that someone besides Allaah was able to grant their requests alleviate their worries and repel harms from them.

“So upon Allaah, put your trust if you are truly believers [Suratul Maa’idah: 23]

Allaah has made tawakkul (reliance on Allaah) a sign of one’s Faith in Him and proof of ones Tawheed.

Reliance on Allaah is not limited to just matters of Creed and Tawheed. Rather, it even applies to worldly matters and seeking provision. When it comes to fulfilling any goal, do not rely on anyone besides Allaah. This is since all of the affairs are in the Hand of Allaah. The keys of the heavens and the earth are in His Hand, so we must put our trust and reliance in Him.

There are many fruits of placing one’s trust in Allaah.

The greatest of them is that Allaah will suffice him in whatever he seeks after.

“And whoever puts his trust in Allaah, He will suffice him.” [Suratul Talaaq:3]

This means that Allaah will protect him from all harms since the recompense is based on the action a person does. So when someone puts his trust in Allaah in the correct manner, He rewards him by sufficing him and taking charge of his affairs. Allaah Himself takes charge of this individual’s affairs and does not relegate it to anyone else. This is the greatest fruit of tawakkul.

The best way to renew your tawakkul is to ponder over the verses of the Qur’an. Look over the verses in which Allaah states for the Believers to place their trust in Him. Ukhtee, you are a Believer (inshaa’Allaah), na’am? & to be a Believer, it is vital for one to rely on Allaah. It may be difficult at times but the best way to ease that is to return to the Book of Allaah.

In the Qur’aan, Suratul Ra’ad verse 28, Allaah aza wa Jal states

Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allah . Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah hearts are assured.”

So when you feel like you’re losing hope or your burdens are becoming more and more difficult to bear, turn to Allaah and remember Him. Do the adkhaar of Tahleel (Alhamdulilaah), Takbir (Allaahu Akbar), and Tahmeed (Alhamdulilaah). Recite Ayatul Kursi, recite as much of the Qur’an as Allaah has written for you and remember that NO ONE and NOTHING will provide for you, except Allaah aza wa jal.

When you place your trust in Allaah, that all the affairs are accounted for and your sabr increases, your eeman increases, your sincerity increases, alll the matters increase.

One of my ahadeeth is this and it sums up what you need (I believe) quite nicely:

On the authority of Abdullah bin Abbas, who said : One day I was behind the prophet and he said to me:

“Young man, I shall teach you some words [of advice] Be mindful of Allaah, and Allah will protect you. Be mindful of Allaah, and you will find Him in front of you. If you ask, ask of Allaah; if you seek help, seek help of Allaah. Know that if the Nation were to gather together to benefit you with anything, it would benefit you only with something that Allaah had already prescribed for you, and that if they gather together to harm you with anything, they would harm you only with something Allaah had already prescribed for you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried.”

Personally, whenever I need renewal, this very verse helps put things into perspective. Nonetheless, as I stated before, once your reliance on Allaah is sound, then all else will also be sound insha’Allaah. I say that because when you rely on Allaah, you are placing your trust in Him. & when your trust is in Him and a calamity befalls, you are patient for you know that He is the Disposer of All Affairs. & you know that if you place your trust in Him, only khair will happen. & when a blessing happens, you are grateful, for you know that it all came from Him and you placing your trust in Him. It reminds me of this hadeeth found in Muslim:

On the authority of Abu Yahya Suhaib bin Sinan (Radi’Allaah anhu) it is related that the Prophet (Sallah Allaahu alayhi wa sallam) said,

“How amazing is the affair of the believer. There is good for him in everything and that is for no one but the believer. If good times come his way, he expresses gratitude to Allah and that is good for him, and if hardship comes his way, he endures it patiently and that is better for him.”

So when you have renewed your tawakkul, all else will follow insha’Allaah. As as in the case of renewing your eeman, your tawwakkul will also be renewed, insha’Allaah.

——-

In regards to your personal situation, know that you are not alone. There are many sisters and brothers who want to marry for the sake of Allaah but are not able for reasons. Whatever those reasons are, note that Allaah is aware of all these matters and no matter how much we think we know, we know nothing of Allaah’s plan.

One of my favourite ayahs:

And whoever fears Allah - He will make for him a way out & will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allah - then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allah will accomplish His purpose.

Qur’aan 65:2-3

This brings back the topic of reliance upon Allaah which comes together with fearing Allaah. Tawakkul is to rely on Allaah and to know that He is sufficient for him. In all cases.

—-

The Shaytaan is the vowed enemy to man. He comes to us in our lowest moments because that is when we’re the most vulnerable. & he plants these seeds of doubt, sadness, and lonliness, that make you hopeless and decrease in your trust in Allaah. & as you stated, this hinders you from being happy. So to battle shaytaan, you have to get him where it hurts. You have to forget him and Remember HIM. Remember Allaah, verily in the remembrance of Allaah the hearts find rest. Na’am? So seek refuge in Allaah from the shaytaan and never entertain depressive thoughts. This way, the shaytaan wont be able to pull you in deeper.

—-

Subhan’Allaah, do you see the cycle of cycles? When your reliance upon Allaah is weak, so is your eeman. So is your sabr. So is your perseverance to do good (which comes with eeman). So then, the Shaytaan has an ease of getting to you and making you feel low and sad and lonely. After that, you’re more likely to sin and your eeman continues to go low. To break the cycle, increase your tawakkul, increase your eeman, to decrease the sad state that shaytaan puts you in, and to cut ties with this sick relationship he has with you.

—-

I don’t think the advice to not think of marriage helps. Especially if it’s what we want. What I would suggest you do, is to find the means to get married. Don’t underestimate yourself and have confidence in yourself. Yes you are beautiful and perhaps kind and have a loving nature, but all that is trivial in comparison to having good akhlaaq and being sound in the deen. Strive to perfect those characteristics of you because that is what makes a relationship last and that is what appeals to others (even though people tend to deny it and focus on looks looks looks). Speak to your friends, perhaps they have brothers or know someone who is looking to get married. Speak to your parents, maybe they know someone, speak to your aunts, speak to the Imaam at the Masjid, elders in the community, etc. If you truly want to get married, you have to actively try to get married. Wanting and hoping to get married is very different than those who strive to get married. Get the word out, and by that I do not mean to involve yourself in the haraam which is often seen in those who are looking to get married. I say that because it’s so easy to fall into the traps of shaytaan and speak ‘with the intent of marriage’ without a mahram and/or a walee.

Make duaa ! Duaa is such a powerful tool and have hope that your duaas will be answered. Make duaa as often as you can. Also, another suggestion is to occupy your time in improving yourself deen wise. If you don’t already, make it a habit to pray the Rawatib prayers (2 before Fajr, etc.). That way, you’re spending more time praying which will inshaa’Allaah increase your eeman and thus increase your tawwakul, make you sin less, etc.

Another vital aspect, look to those you befriend. It may seem like it has nothing to do with your topic of marriage, but friends make a person. Surround yourself with those that remind you of Allaah aza wa Jal. Hold topics about tawakkul, increasing eeman, etc. This may lead to discussion and perhaps they have ideas and tips that helped them. Also, perhaps they also want to get married so speak about the means and the struggles and make duaa for one another. Sometimes speaking to someone who is in the same predicament really helps !

Ukhtee, look at you! Just. Look at you! Say Alhamdulilaah you are Muslim, you can see and type because those alone are blessings! & after that, look to the other blessings you have in your life (whether it is having kind parents, having loving friends, having a home, etc.) and note that Allaah aza wa Jal in His Might placed such things in your life. Look at the stars, look at the moon, the sun, the trees! Look at the creations of Allaah aza wa Jal and note that He is Mighty, He is Powerful, He is All Knowing, He is All Hearing and He is capable of anything and everything! So how can He not be capable of blessing you with marriage? Turn to Him and He will take care of your affairs. Remember Him and He will remember you. When you ask, ask of Him… [refer to the hadeeth]. So say alhamdulilaah to these blessing and note that nothing is above Allaah (meaning He is capable of anything and everything). All you should do, is to make duaa, place your trust in Allaah, and continue doing khair.

Try not to not think about marriage, but do strive to use your time wisely. Do good deeds, voluntarily fast, pray rawatib, read the Qur’aan, help your parents out, bake !, exercise, etc.

Subhan’Allaah I am so sorry for this going on for so long, it’s just that with such situations, sometimes enough is not enough ! Nonetheless, forgive me for taking so long in answering and I hope you are somewhere and read this and if not, khair alhamdulilaah.

Wa Allaah yabarifeeki, wa’asalaamu `alykum wa Rahmatullaah !

6 months ago | 1 note

Assalam alikum, please do you have any advice for anger management? any duaa? any salat? jazakallahu khayran.

Wa `alykum asalaam Wa Rahmatullaah Wa Barakaatu. I pray you’re in the best of health & eeman.

Anger is a natural emotion but before we allow ourselves to be immersed in it, we have to ask ourselves these vital questions:

Exactly why are we angry? What caused this anger?
Are we angry for the sake of Allaah or for the sake of simply being angry due to something trivial?
How are we expressing our anger? Is it through hurting someone with our tongue, with our limbs?

When you ask yourself why you’re angry and what caused the anger, you’ll understand the root of the problem better. Are you angry because someone annoyed you or are you angry because the person is annoying, for example? Figure out why you’re angry to get to the root of the issue.

Are you angry for the sake of Allaah or for the sake of something trivial? It has to be one or the other and I would hate to belittle something that made you angry and consider it trivial, but in reality, in comparison to being angry fisabillilaah, all else is trivial. Are you angry because someone mocked or insulted one of the Sahaba or are you angry because someone called you stupid. Once your’e aware of whether you’re angry fisabillilaah or not, you’ll know what steps to take.

How you express your anger truly distinguishes a human from an animal because all animals are capable of doing, is instinct. We, alhamdulilaah have the thought process to think before we act and when we’re angry, our thought process is hindered. Therefore we need to be extremely careful of how we act especially if our anger is directed towards another being. We may not come to know of it at the moment, but being angry is a fire that not only consumes you, but others, and no matter how far away others are, if you’re not careful, you will burn them.

Alhamdulilaah I have no additional words because this matter has been extensively talked about in the deen and I’ll provide you with some links. Above all, when you feel you are about to be angry, please step away from the person or objects, close your eyes, and remember Allaah. Verily in the remembrance of Allaah the hearts find rest. Make sure you also breath in and out slowly to calm yourself.

Do NOT give in, especially if another person is inciting you to. Fear Allaah more than having to prove yourself.

Upright Moral Character by Ibn Uthaymeen pt. 4: Anger Management.
The Prohibition of Anger.
Anger. Transcribed lecture by Dr. Saleh as Saleh [rahimahullaah]. There is also an audio on the same page.
Advice on Dealing with Anger.
How to Acquire Good Manners.
When Temper Hits Boiling Point.
Seeking Refuge in Allaah when Angry.

I hope this suffices ! One more thing, anger is like fire, na’am? The Shaytaan was created from smokeless fire and he was arrogant about that and showed it when Allaah created us from ‘clay’, let’s aspire to NOT be like the Shaytaan because when you become angry, imagine the shaytaan who is also made of fire, being pleased with you. Seek refuge in Allaah and work on being reminded of the bounties of Allaah in order to purify your soul and extinguish that fire.

Wa antum fajaazakum’Allaah khair. Wa’asalaamu alykum.

8 months ago | 2 notes

Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuhu! Dear ukhti, how are you? I hope you are doing fine. i just really wanted to share this feelings of mine, it may sound quite silly, so please bear with it. You see, I wonder why I can no longer do the best of what I could in my studies. Everyone seems to be doing their best. It's not that I really lax, but, I really don't know. My memory seems to be getting low. I worry because everyone seems to worry...(to be continued)

(continuation) and I tend to worry why I seem to be calmer than my classmates. Well, I am taking up medicine actually, and they are all apprehensive are always geared in every exam, but me…I don’t know, really. Most of them would even sleep 3 hours, but me, I can still sleep for 5-8 hours. I seem to be different, and I thought maybe because I am not exerting effort, but I really do read a lot compared my pre-med course. That’s it, ukhti. Take care always. <3 <3 <3

Wa alykum asalaam wa rahmatu’Allaah wa barakaatu! Alhamdulilaah I am well and you? I pray you are in the best of health & eeman. I commend you on your strength and willing to share such a vital aspect of your life and I ask Allaah to accept your duaas and ease the matters for you.

I believe the reason you may not be doing best in your studies is because you are worried because others are worried. In other words, you’re not focusing on yourself but focusing on others. This takes the focus out of your studies, out of your life, and places a burden of constant worry leading you to not do as well as you know you can. My naseeha to you is to focus on you and you alone. Don’t worry if others are calm or not, if they are worried or not, if they are studying or not. Are you calm? Are you worried? Are you studying? You are the importance in this factor because you wont be getting their grades. You’ll be getting your grades and what you earned.

& Na’am, students and colleagues always have an influence on each other, by try to ignore their behavior and actions and focus on yourself. If you study with everyone [which can be great at times], then make it a habit for all of you to calm down so as to not worry each other. Relax. It’s in Allaah’s hands and all you can do is the best you can. Worry takes time, worry takes energy, and worry takes up too much space in your life. So make some room for yourself and rid yourself of it by placing your trust in Allaah aza wa jal. Study when you can, study when you should, and give yourself breaks, etc.

Make the duaa of Rabee zidnee ilm [My Lord increase me in knowledge] constantly. Ask Allaah to ease your affairs, increase your memory, improve your study habits, etc. & note that Allaah will not change the condition of a people until they first change what is within themselves. So change your habits, maintain consistency, and Allaah will take it from there inshaa’ Allaah .

& do what works for you. It’s always always sufficient and vital for a person to get a good night’s sleep in order to retain information. If you study for an exam and get a proper rest, you are more likely to remember and retain that information the next day than if someone stayed up the entire night and took the exam in a few hours. Your body needs rest and you know your body more than anyone else. So if you are sleeping more hours, you’re doing what’s best for you. Don’t be concerned with what they are doing, it doesn’t make you any less better or them any more better than you.

You’re doing fine. Simply continue focusing on you and working and improving on yourself. Don’t focus on others because that only hinders your focus. In more areas than just one. & Allaah knows best . <3

9 months ago

I absolutely hate myself, I feel so low, I am not committing to my five pillars, I doing so many sins this Ramadan, I've completely isolated myself from the world - I've stopped talking to my friends, I am so lazy and I am not trying hard at anything. I hate myself so much because I am not able to change and I feel like Allah hates me, that I'll never be forgiven. I want to change, I really do, I know if I die now I am going to hell. I hate myself so much, I feel like I don't deserve this life.

Bismillaah. In the name of Allaah,

Asalaamu alykum wa rahmatu’Allaah wa barakaatu. I urge you to remember the greetings, for it will increase the muhabba between us and remind us of Allaah ; inshaa’Allaah.

I pray you are in the best of health & I apologize for getting to your question late. Please understand that I have my valid reasons, but nonetheless, I hope I respond thoroughly.

I feel like there is a lot of pain and regret that you’re going through and it’s all self inflicted. But I also see a bit of hope that you also see in yourself. The fact that you are aware of your shortcomings shows me that you’re willing to work on them and improve and become a better person.

We all go through instances where we hate / despise who we are, go through moments of immensely low eeman, commit a large amount of sins, and entertain the idea that Allaah must hate us and that … this feeling of absolute disgust is perhaps a punishment.

All I can tell you is that you must mentally change your thought process and realize that you are beyond valuable and you are beyond blessed to be who you are and where you are. Even if it may not seem so at the moment. I can tell you all these things and it may make you feel good, but I wont always be there. I may never be there or here again. Others who do this may never be there also, so it’s upon you to take control and change your thought process. Because YOU are in control of your life, not the other way around.

There are days of good, yeah? You’ve had days where you’ve woken up feeling good for no reason, had an absolutely beautiful day, and went to bed with a smile…am I right? There are more days like this to come inshaa’Allaah, but be prepared for horrible days. Days where you feel your worst, where you cry, where you fall, where you may despise yourself … & you need to know what to do when you’re sad, when you’re angry, when you’re depressed. Just like you know what to do when you’re happy, excited, feeling good.

You know you’re capable of changing, you just need to get there. You need the motivation that only you can give yourself. You need the persistence that only your mind can understand. You need the consistency that only your life can revolve around. & I don’t know you. All I know is that your words and all I know is that you use a lot of commas which tells me that you have a lot to say, a lot to offer ; but you just need to organize it and execute it well. & correct me if I’m wrong but when you said “I hate myself so much, I feel like I don’t deserve this life” All I could think was that you don’t hate yourself, you just hate some / most of the things you do & the regret and the pain that comes with it expands to levels above comprehensible. I don’t know. But you didn’t place a period in between ” I hate myself so much” and “I feel like I don’t deserve this life.” That shows me that you believe that statement is not necessarily absolute. A part of you knows your worth and your value and that you can change. You just need a bit of hope.

It takes so much strength to admit to one’s mistakes, even on anonymous. It takes a lot to type out such hurt and pain because the words are right there and might trigger those memories once again. I commend you for being strong enough to say this ; not just to me, but admitting it to yourself first and foremost. Note that the sole fact that you have awoken to a new day is proof enough that you have been given a new chance with the new day. Are you going to let the day be like yesterday or will you take the necessary steps to make it better?

Suggestions:

Begin slow. Where are your flaws? Is it the fasting or the praying? Either one, begin by reading up on it to perfect them. Start watching authentic videos with daleel [evidence] on how to pray, even if you already know how to pray. Sometimes the imagery helps instill the importance of something and yearns our heart towards it [insha’Allaah].
Next, begin by praying your prayers on time. Especially Fajr , Asr, and Isha. These three can be the most difficult. Become consistent with them.
After that, try to increase your khushoo / humility in prayer. Increase your focus. Recite slowly, recite with understanding, recite with meaning. Take your time in sujood. Take your time in rukoo. When a thought comes, dry spit to your left three times [insert hadeeth] to make the shaytaan go away. If the thoughts persist [and they might], then bring yourself back to Allaah. Keep bringing yourself back to Him. Envision the Angel of death behind you and that this is your last prayer. Each and every time. Envision your grave. Envision your Lord above you, you prostrating to Him. Subhan’Allaah.
Once you get those down, try to get the voluntary prayers in. Fajr can be the easiest, but just try to get them all in. Not only is this going to make you consistent upon good deeds and will open the door to other good deeds being consistent, it will also fill your time with more prayer. & more prayer = insha’Allaah more remembrance of Allaah.
Recite a few verses before Salah or after Salah or when you wake up or before you go to bed or all the above. Substitute books for Kitaabullaah and whenever you come across a verse or so, act upon what you just read.
Keep a schedule ! An organized mind = organized life.
Surround yourself with people that will remind you of Allaah. It will affect you in more ways than you can imagine. It will help with the laziness, with the isolation, with the commitment issues.
Write or paint or draw. use a means to get your feelings out, but not necessarily telling people because one should only complain to Allaah.
Realize that if you don’t care and love yourself first and foremost, no one else has the right to. Love yourself. Care about yourself, and never speak ill of Allaah ; because what Allaah hates is apparent and what Allaah loves is apparent. & until you either die or the sun rises from the west, the door of forgiveness will always be open. The shaytaan wants you to think otherwise so that he causes you to procrastinate and not seek forgiveness until it’s too late. Own him by seeking forgiveness from Allaah every chance you get. I’m sure you’re aware of the hadeeth of the Prophet Muhammad [sallah Allaahu alayhi wa sallam] in which he used to seek forgiveness more than 100 times a day. & He was already promised Jannah. Subhan’Allaah. So use your time and in a moment of silence in between tasks, utter the words of rememberance. “Subhan’Allaah” “Alhamdulilaah” “Rabbi aghfir lay” “Astagfur’Allaah” “Allaahu akbar” , etc.

Say, “O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah . Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.” 39:53

اللَّهُمَّ اعْفِرْلِى ذَنْبِئ كُلَّهُ، و جِلَّهُ، وَ أوَّلَهُ وَ آخِرَهُ عَلا نِيَتَهُ وَ سِرَّهُ

Allaahum-maghfir lee thanbee kullahu, diqqahu wa jillahu, wa ‘awwalahu wa ‘aakhirahu wa ‘alaaniyatahu wa sirrahu.

O Allah, forgive me all my sins, great and small, the first and the last, those that are apparent and those that are hidden. [Muslim]

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, relating from His Lord (Glorified and Exalted be He):

A servant committed a sin and said, ‘O Allaah! Forgive me my sin,’ and He (Blessed and Exalted be He) said, ‘My servant has committed a sin, but he knows that he has a Lord Who forgives sin and punishes for sin.’ Then he sinned again and said, ‘O my Lord! Forgive me my sin,’ and He (Blessed and Exalted be He) said, ‘My servant has committed a sin, but he knows that he has a Lord Who forgives sin and punishes for sin.” Then he sinned again and said, ‘O my Lord! Forgive me my sin,’ and He (Blessed and Exalted be He) said, ‘My servant has committed a sin, but he knows that he has a Lord Who forgives sin and punishes for sin. Do what you want, for I have forgiven you.’

In another narration, Abu Hurayrah [radi’Allaahu anhu] said that he heard the Prophet (peace be upon him) saying:

A servant committed a sin and said, ‘My Lord, I have sinned, forgive me.’ His Lord said, ‘My servant knows that he has a Lord Who forgives sin and punishes for it. I have forgiven My servant.’ Then as much time passed as Allah willed, then he committed a sin and said, ‘My Lord, I have sinned; forgive me.’ His Lord said, ‘My servant knows that he has a Lord Who forgives sin and punishes for it. I have forgiven My servant.’ Then as much time passed as Allah willed, then he committed a sin and said, ‘My Lord, I have sinned; forgive me.’ His Lord said, ‘My servant knows that he has a Lord Who forgives sin and punishes for it. I have forgiven My servant,’ - three times - ‘Let him do what he likes.’

& I strongly urge you to simply look for the words “forgiveness” in the Kitaab. You’ll be astounded. Astounded at the Mercy of Allaah.I hope this answered your question. Don’t mind me trying / attempting to read you by how you typed your question / statement. I wish I could tell you it’s not a habit. Anything wrong is from myself, any good is from Allaah. Wa’asalamu alykum.