Asalamualaykum ukhti, do u have any advice for renewing tawakkul n good dhan n eemaan in allah? lately ive been goin thru a trial (not bein able to get married...), which i know is allah's decree n for my own good, but when it prolongs, sometimes shaitan comes to me and makes me sad n lonely, n makes me see a dead end, n hinders me from being happy n realizing that allah will bring ease after hardship n reward/be pleased with the patient ones... (cont'd)
(Cont’d) …n when all this happens, i easily fall into sinnin coz my iman goes really low… n i duno what to do ukhti… yes ppl say to distract myself with other good things n not think too much of marriage, but thats not helping, so i need some advice on how to renew my tawakkul in allah n hoping in Him n being happy n content… plz advise me ukhti. i dun want to have low iman n keep sinning n losing myself like this. n plz tell me sum words of hope about gettin married… barakallah feeky!
Wa `alykum asalaam wa rahmatullaah wa barakaatu. I pray you’re in the best of health & eeman and please forgive me for this very late response!
Let’s focus on renewing tawakal.
This is taken from Shaykhul Fawzaan’s book: The Fruits of Tawakkal:
[Tawwakul is] Entrusting one’s affairs to Him and relying on Him in all matters. Entrusting one’s affairs to Allaah entails not turning to someone else for support.
So reliance (Tawakkul) upon Allaah can be with regard to matters of Creed, such that the servant’s heart does not turn to anyone else besides Allaah. Therefore, he is always putting his reliance in Allaah, entrusting all of his affairs to Him.
The book goes on further to state,
The pagans did not fall into polytheism and disbelief except due to the fact that they put their reliance in other than Allaah, entrusted their affairs to other than Him, and believed in their hearts that someone besides Allaah was able to grant their requests alleviate their worries and repel harms from them.
"So upon Allaah, put your trust if you are truly believers [Suratul Maa’idah: 23]
Allaah has made tawakkul (reliance on Allaah) a sign of one’s Faith in Him and proof of ones Tawheed.
Reliance on Allaah is not limited to just matters of Creed and Tawheed. Rather, it even applies to worldly matters and seeking provision. When it comes to fulfilling any goal, do not rely on anyone besides Allaah. This is since all of the affairs are in the Hand of Allaah. The keys of the heavens and the earth are in His Hand, so we must put our trust and reliance in Him.
There are many fruits of placing one’s trust in Allaah.
The greatest of them is that Allaah will suffice him in whatever he seeks after.
“And whoever puts his trust in Allaah, He will suffice him.” [Suratul Talaaq:3]
This means that Allaah will protect him from all harms since the recompense is based on the action a person does. So when someone puts his trust in Allaah in the correct manner, He rewards him by sufficing him and taking charge of his affairs. Allaah Himself takes charge of this individual’s affairs and does not relegate it to anyone else. This is the greatest fruit of tawakkul.
The best way to renew your tawakkul is to ponder over the verses of the Qur’an. Look over the verses in which Allaah states for the Believers to place their trust in Him. Ukhtee, you are a Believer (inshaa’Allaah), na’am? & to be a Believer, it is vital for one to rely on Allaah. It may be difficult at times but the best way to ease that is to return to the Book of Allaah.
In the Qur’aan, Suratul Ra’ad verse 28, Allaah aza wa Jal states
Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allah . Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah hearts are assured.”
So when you feel like you’re losing hope or your burdens are becoming more and more difficult to bear, turn to Allaah and remember Him. Do the adkhaar of Tahleel (Alhamdulilaah), Takbir (Allaahu Akbar), and Tahmeed (Alhamdulilaah). Recite Ayatul Kursi, recite as much of the Qur’an as Allaah has written for you and remember that NO ONE and NOTHING will provide for you, except Allaah aza wa jal.
When you place your trust in Allaah, that all the affairs are accounted for and your sabr increases, your eeman increases, your sincerity increases, alll the matters increase.
One of my ahadeeth is this and it sums up what you need (I believe) quite nicely:
On the authority of Abdullah bin Abbas, who said : One day I was behind the prophet and he said to me:
"Young man, I shall teach you some words [of advice] Be mindful of Allaah, and Allah will protect you. Be mindful of Allaah, and you will find Him in front of you. If you ask, ask of Allaah; if you seek help, seek help of Allaah. Know that if the Nation were to gather together to benefit you with anything, it would benefit you only with something that Allaah had already prescribed for you, and that if they gather together to harm you with anything, they would harm you only with something Allaah had already prescribed for you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried.”
Personally, whenever I need renewal, this very verse helps put things into perspective. Nonetheless, as I stated before, once your reliance on Allaah is sound, then all else will also be sound insha’Allaah. I say that because when you rely on Allaah, you are placing your trust in Him. & when your trust is in Him and a calamity befalls, you are patient for you know that He is the Disposer of All Affairs. & you know that if you place your trust in Him, only khair will happen. & when a blessing happens, you are grateful, for you know that it all came from Him and you placing your trust in Him. It reminds me of this hadeeth found in Muslim:
On the authority of Abu Yahya Suhaib bin Sinan (Radi’Allaah anhu) it is related that the Prophet (Sallah Allaahu alayhi wa sallam) said,
“How amazing is the affair of the believer. There is good for him in everything and that is for no one but the believer. If good times come his way, he expresses gratitude to Allah and that is good for him, and if hardship comes his way, he endures it patiently and that is better for him.”
So when you have renewed your tawakkul, all else will follow insha’Allaah. As as in the case of renewing your eeman, your tawwakkul will also be renewed, insha’Allaah.
In regards to your personal situation, know that you are not alone. There are many sisters and brothers who want to marry for the sake of Allaah but are not able for reasons. Whatever those reasons are, note that Allaah is aware of all these matters and no matter how much we think we know, we know nothing of Allaah’s plan.
One of my favourite ayahs:
And whoever fears Allah - He will make for him a way out & will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allah - then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allah will accomplish His purpose.
This brings back the topic of reliance upon Allaah which comes together with fearing Allaah. Tawakkul is to rely on Allaah and to know that He is sufficient for him. In all cases.
The Shaytaan is the vowed enemy to man. He comes to us in our lowest moments because that is when we’re the most vulnerable. & he plants these seeds of doubt, sadness, and lonliness, that make you hopeless and decrease in your trust in Allaah. & as you stated, this hinders you from being happy. So to battle shaytaan, you have to get him where it hurts. You have to forget him and Remember HIM. Remember Allaah, verily in the remembrance of Allaah the hearts find rest. Na’am? So seek refuge in Allaah from the shaytaan and never entertain depressive thoughts. This way, the shaytaan wont be able to pull you in deeper.
Subhan’Allaah, do you see the cycle of cycles? When your reliance upon Allaah is weak, so is your eeman. So is your sabr. So is your perseverance to do good (which comes with eeman). So then, the Shaytaan has an ease of getting to you and making you feel low and sad and lonely. After that, you’re more likely to sin and your eeman continues to go low. To break the cycle, increase your tawakkul, increase your eeman, to decrease the sad state that shaytaan puts you in, and to cut ties with this sick relationship he has with you.
I don’t think the advice to not think of marriage helps. Especially if it’s what we want. What I would suggest you do, is to find the means to get married. Don’t underestimate yourself and have confidence in yourself. Yes you are beautiful and perhaps kind and have a loving nature, but all that is trivial in comparison to having good akhlaaq and being sound in the deen. Strive to perfect those characteristics of you because that is what makes a relationship last and that is what appeals to others (even though people tend to deny it and focus on looks looks looks). Speak to your friends, perhaps they have brothers or know someone who is looking to get married. Speak to your parents, maybe they know someone, speak to your aunts, speak to the Imaam at the Masjid, elders in the community, etc. If you truly want to get married, you have to actively try to get married. Wanting and hoping to get married is very different than those who strive to get married. Get the word out, and by that I do not mean to involve yourself in the haraam which is often seen in those who are looking to get married. I say that because it’s so easy to fall into the traps of shaytaan and speak ‘with the intent of marriage’ without a mahram and/or a walee.
Make duaa ! Duaa is such a powerful tool and have hope that your duaas will be answered. Make duaa as often as you can. Also, another suggestion is to occupy your time in improving yourself deen wise. If you don’t already, make it a habit to pray the Rawatib prayers (2 before Fajr, etc.). That way, you’re spending more time praying which will inshaa’Allaah increase your eeman and thus increase your tawwakul, make you sin less, etc.
Another vital aspect, look to those you befriend. It may seem like it has nothing to do with your topic of marriage, but friends make a person. Surround yourself with those that remind you of Allaah aza wa Jal. Hold topics about tawakkul, increasing eeman, etc. This may lead to discussion and perhaps they have ideas and tips that helped them. Also, perhaps they also want to get married so speak about the means and the struggles and make duaa for one another. Sometimes speaking to someone who is in the same predicament really helps !
Ukhtee, look at you! Just. Look at you! Say Alhamdulilaah you are Muslim, you can see and type because those alone are blessings! & after that, look to the other blessings you have in your life (whether it is having kind parents, having loving friends, having a home, etc.) and note that Allaah aza wa Jal in His Might placed such things in your life. Look at the stars, look at the moon, the sun, the trees! Look at the creations of Allaah aza wa Jal and note that He is Mighty, He is Powerful, He is All Knowing, He is All Hearing and He is capable of anything and everything! So how can He not be capable of blessing you with marriage? Turn to Him and He will take care of your affairs. Remember Him and He will remember you. When you ask, ask of Him… [refer to the hadeeth]. So say alhamdulilaah to these blessing and note that nothing is above Allaah (meaning He is capable of anything and everything). All you should do, is to make duaa, place your trust in Allaah, and continue doing khair.
Try not to not think about marriage, but do strive to use your time wisely. Do good deeds, voluntarily fast, pray rawatib, read the Qur’aan, help your parents out, bake !, exercise, etc.
Subhan’Allaah I am so sorry for this going on for so long, it’s just that with such situations, sometimes enough is not enough ! Nonetheless, forgive me for taking so long in answering and I hope you are somewhere and read this and if not, khair alhamdulilaah.
Wa Allaah yabarifeeki, wa’asalaamu `alykum wa Rahmatullaah !